Hyper-parenting: new educational behaviors that hinder and seriously damage the personal growth of children.
INTRODUCTION
Overprotective parenting has always existed, although less widespread than it is today. While it was previously linked to phobic and anxious traits in parents, today the situation has broadened, especially to encompass new modes of procreation and family formation.
From unwanted child to planned child
Contraceptive methods have evolved, both in their use, effectiveness, and safety, allowing couples to decide the "most opportune" time to become parents. Today, it's normal for a couple to decide to have a child when they feel it's the best time. We've moved, therefore, from the situation where contraception appeared... unwanted children, but accepted, as a consequence of the errors in contraception (it was said that there were more children of Ogino1 (from the father), to the wanted children.
Furthermore, due to changes in consumer society, today it is no longer just about wanting a child, but about schedule carefully when it should be done. First, one must enjoy youth, advance in one's career, own a home, a car… The decision is usually planned and accompanied by a personal commitment to guarantee the future child all possible happiness and success. From this perspective, parents become absolutely involved, body and soul, to ensure this goal is achieved. We are in the era of… programmed child.
This hyper-responsibility necessarily leads to hyperparenting where we will encounter a series of symptoms, or atypical behaviors, in both parents and children. The parents assume responsibility for everything that happens to them, and even for everything that might happen to them. They experience a serious sense of guilt when the results do not meet their expectations. They are oppressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and stressed parents who end up feeling incapable of responding to completely irrational parental goals. Ultimately, these are the logical consequences of someone who considers the child as piece of clay whom I can mold as I please, from very self-demanding parents who assume the responsibility that everything must be perfect, feeling responsible both for what happens at any moment, as well as for what may happen to him in the future.
The most critical moments usually occur in adolescenceThis is when children begin to rebel against an education that has kept them imprisoned, emotionally captive, constrained, and excessively controlled. It is the parents' crisis, not so much the adolescent's crisis.
Helicopter parents, drone parents, and curling parents
There are authors, such as Bruno Humbeeck, which differentiate between what are called "helicopter parents", "drone parents" and "curling parents", three forms of hyper-parenting that reflect a growing severity.
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Helicopter parents
We are dealing with a father who needs to control not only what exists in his son's life, but also everything that exists around him, in his social and personal life.
The father transforms into an anxious "helicopter" carrying out excessive and constant surveillance over his son: "What are you doing? What are you thinking? What are you writing? What are you reading? What are you playing? Who are you going with? What are you doing? ... It is an eternal interrogation that seeks to relieve the anguish he feels at not knowing absolutely everything that happens to his son, or that his son might be going through a bad time.
Communication with their children is usually paradoxical. While telling them they should be independent, they are the ones setting the rules for how to do it. Clearly, we are witnessing a parenting style that significantly limits autonomy.
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The drone father
This would be a further degree of severity in the case of hyper-parenting. These are parents who not only need to monitor and control, but who are absolutely intolerant of anything they consider inappropriate for their child's development, or for their academic and educational success: the best school, the best game, the best mobile phone, the best computer, and, in short, anything or anything considered the best, with the sole purpose of... May your son "be the best."
Of course, in the emotional plane, These are parents who cannot bear their children's negative emotions without anguish; they find their crying, protests, and frustrations extremely distressing. Only positive emotions, joy, and optimism are acceptable.
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Curling parents
These are parents who make decisions for their children without considering their preferences and demand things of them as if their interests were the same as their children's. The parents decide on the goal and push their child to achieve it. They respect neither the child's interests nor the opinions of those involved in reaching the goal, constantly interfering in others' decision-making.
These are the typical parents who choose which sport their child should play and give instructions to the coaches on how to conduct themselves. Or parents who decide on the school and tell the teachers how to approach teaching different subjects. Parents who know everything that should be done with their child, when and how, and of course, without considering their child's preferences or abilities. Parents who are not only involved in curling, but also decidedly toxic.
What happens to children subjected to hyper-parenting?
Overbearing, hypervigilant parenting, which is not at all conducive to the child's autonomy, will lead to "burned out," frustrated, dissatisfied parents who tend to blame their child and/or the environment for any failures that occur. Self-criticism=0.
The children, victims of this parenting style, will exhibit learning difficulties, anxiety disorders, hyperactivity, maladjustment with peers… And, as Bruno Humbeeck says, the diagnostic labels of ADHD, learning disabilities, etc., serve to obscure the real cause of what is happening: an absolutely incompetent parenting.
