Preventing child sexual abuse is the responsibility of all citizens

Below are some recommendations on how to act if we suspect or know that a child may be a victim of sexual abuse

Joaquín Díaz Atienza

INTRODUCTION

I have come across a brochure for parents, and the general public, of children vulnerable to possible sexual abuse, published by the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Child Sexual Violence (PCAR)In this post I simply adapt its contents to our environment and, especially, regarding how any citizen can make appropriate decisions to protect minors.

• The first question that is asked is about Who sexually abuses children?

Although the fact may seem surprising, we know that in 90-95% of cases In cases of child sexual abuse, the pedophile or perpetrator is someone known to the child. They are usually part of the child's trusted circle: parents, siblings, relatives, teachers, counselors, church members. Many even maintain a good relationship with the family.

• – 37% are biological parents.
• – 23% are adoptive parents or partners of the parents.
• – 40% others (including extended family members)

There is another important piece of information regarding defining the highest risk sector:

• – 12,3% of abuses against girls occur around the age of 10 or younger.
• – 27,8% of child abuse occurs around the age of 10 or younger.
• – Children with a sexual orientation other than heterosexual are three times more likely to experience sexual abuse.

• How to talk to our children about the risks of sexual abuse

It's common that when the media presents a case of sexual abuse, we use derogatory terms in front of our children that can, in a way, lead them to believe the perpetrator is someone strange or distant, which doesn't help them understand the real danger. For example, words like psychopath, beast, son of a bitch, monster, etc., imply to our sons and daughters that the danger can't be within their own family or among people with whom they have a friendly relationship. As the PCAR brochure states, "These words do not describe friends, relatives, neighbors, or people we know from school, church, sports teams, associations, or members of the community in general." Therefore, they recommend that we use the expression "people who commit sexual offenses."

• How to educate our sons and daughters about sexual abuse?

We must bear in mind that sexual abuse does not occur immediately. There is a period of seduction during which the adult gradually gains the child's trust. It usually begins with hugs, kisses, stroking the hair, and small gifts that increase the child's trust. Everything is carried out under a cloak of innocence, based on the child's recognition and "unconditional" affection. This is why it focuses on children in vulnerable situations: poverty, family dysfunction, psychological problems, school failure, social difficulties, etc.

• – To ensure that our sons and daughters develop a good self-concept of their bodies.
• – Saying no to hugs or kisses from any adult is not always a sign of bad manners.
• – We must ensure that they internalize that you will always believe him/her.
• – They can tell you anything, even if someone tells them it's a secret between them and the adult. This is something you need to be aware of beforehand, as it's one of the techniques often used by child abusers.
• – Make them understand that they are never to blame for the things that some adults do, even if they haven't opposed those actions.

• What are the most frequent indicators of child sexual abuse?

- Psychological:

• Sleep problems (nightmares, frequent awakenings, restless sleep); anxiety (sweating, unfounded fears);
• regressive behaviors (thumb sucking, regressive language, loss of sphincter control…);
• mood changes (sadness, irritability, isolation, episodes of self-absorption, less spontaneity in communication, unexplained silences, loss/increase in appetite…).
• Hypersexualized behaviors: touching, inappropriate clothing;
• Refusal to remove clothing at appropriate times.
• Inciting other children/friends to engage in sexually inappropriate behavior for their age.
• Excessive masturbation, especially in girls.
• Recreation of games with sexual scenes with their toys.

- Physicists:

• Injuries, excessive redness in their genitals;
• urinary tract diseases or any sexually transmitted disease;
• difficulty urinating, constipation;
• difficulty swallowing.
• unexplained stomach pains.

• What should we do if a minor tells me they have been a victim of sexual abuse?

We must remain calm and not express our emotions or make comments about the perpetrator, nor gestures or remarks that could frighten the child.

The moment a child decides to tell us about the abuse, we must get down to their level (sitting, crouching) so that our presence doesn't intimidate them. We must respect their words, their pace, and their silences. Let them express themselves in their own way. Don't interrogate them, and certainly not with anxiety. We need to reassure them, as it's common for them to tell us things later that they initially kept quiet about. This will be achieved through trust. Don't pressure them.

It is very important that from the beginning he sees that we believe him, that we are on his side and, even more: to make him see and feel that what he tells us is not his fault.

It's best to avoid making promises like "they won't do it again" or "the perpetrator will go to jail." Simply let them know you'll give them your full support.

From this point on, the relevant authorities must be informed so that specialized professionals can take the most appropriate measures to protect the child.

• In Andalucia:

- Telephone number for reporting possible cases of child abuse: 900 851 818

– Child Helpline: 116111 (operates throughout the European Union).