Friendships in puberty and adolescence: strengths and risks

Friendships during puberty and adolescence are the crucible in which autonomy, sociability, and the social self are built.

Joaquín Díaz Atienza

Friendship in adolescence is inextricably linked to the peer group and its dynamics. Therefore, in this post we describe the structural and dynamic characteristics of the peer group, and then the individual aspects that interact within it.

COLLEAGUES AND/OR FRIENDS

We understand how formal groups Those that are formed based on a specific objective. For example, sports, mountaineering, etc. That is to say, although more or less intimate personal relationships may develop over time, their purpose is the achievement of objectives based on the reasons for their formation.

Groups of friends are considered as informalBecause they are based on selfless relationships, empathetic connections are established among their members, facilitating mutual understanding and fostering a non-judgmental environment. They tend to be stable insofar as, despite the ups and downs that may occur within them, their function of mutual support necessitates intense and lasting relationships that promote intimacy and security among their members. They are also dynamic, undergoing adaptive changes in accordance with the aging of their members and the emergence of new interests.

Sometimes, if a formal group starts in childhood and continues through puberty and adolescence, it is not uncommon for a group of peers to break away from it and form an informal group, that is, with the characteristics of a group of friends.

GROUP OF FRIENDS

• They are usually self-governed and self-managed, They face constant internal conflicts. They live on the margins of adult society and, depending on their own stability or instability, may come into contact with other groups at risk due to their countercultural significance and marginalization, such as cults. Sometimes, the group's strength is based on authoritarian leadership that demands submission and jeopardizes the appropriate social and emotional development of its members.

The teenager will find in the group of friends those with whom he connects and empathizes deeply, although there will also be other members from whom he should be wary because they are dysfunctional individuals.

• The interests that drive the group and foster cohesion among its members are typically sexuality, acceptance, and the necessary security it provides during a period of mourning related to the family, a source of great uncertainty for the adolescent. In this sense, the group acts as a container for anxiety and as a tool against loneliness.
• This is the stage of initiations, of first encounters with drugs and sex, of attempts to imitate the adult world, while eliminating anything they deem too conservative and therefore uninteresting. The group is the appropriate experiential space for this type of rebellion insofar as it understands, permits, and does not judge.
• The group of friends provides support for any initiative related to the break with childhood and offers understanding. It also provides a sense of belonging, within which members assume a certain status, not always without tension.

Assigning roles to its members helps them become aware of their skills and abilities, aspects that facilitate socialization. Adolescents learn social skills, how to negotiate, how to control their anger, and how to positively manage the frustrations that come with living together.

One of the important learnings in this group dynamic is produced by the imitation of models, with new behaviors appearing and those that are not adaptive being discarded.

• When a group of friends emerges from a formal group, it tends to be more homogeneous than when they form spontaneously. However, even in the latter, there are pressures involved in the processes of accepting and rejecting new members.

They are usually hierarchical, with leaders who maintain cohesion. Intragroup leadership provides adolescents with security in the face of the anxiety and insecurity caused by the break with their family.

Another important aspect is the cult of conformity; they adopt slang, clothing, distinctive symbols, etc.

Some groups, due to the personality traits of their members, submit to the leadership of a tyrant, being one of the most dangerous risk factors for the development of autonomy and sociability.

• Friendship groups are usually single-sex at the beginning, but as members get older, they become mixed-gender. This involves new members joining, which represents a critical moment for their stability. With these new members come jealousy, rivalries, manipulation, and conspiracies. This new situation often leads to the group fragmenting into several subgroups based on interests and affinities. Groups with prosocial, provocative, or antisocial aims may emerge, among others. Ultimately, what governs the formation of these new configurations is the desire for the activities they participate in. Membership in and continued membership of different groups is significantly determined by the temperamental and personality characteristics of its members, as well as their social, educational, and family histories.

PERSONAL CHARACTERISTICS AND FRIENDSHIP

• We understand friendship "a dynamic relationship, subject to some gender influences that tend to change throughout development, acquiring increasing intimacy, stability and reciprocity."
• For a friendship to develop, there must be emotional empathy, which typically produces physical and mental well-being simply from being together. A friendship is a kind of infatuation and is interdependent. Therefore, it can be either a protective or a risk factor.
• Friendship, insofar as it is free from external constraints, allows one to express oneself authentically, to open up completely, as long as one is certain of fidelity, loyalty, and availability. One can talk about everything, even reveal the "unmentionable," and receive only attentive listening and understanding free from any criticism.
• There are some gender characteristics: Teenagers She often has her "best friend," her "sister," her alter ego in whom she seeks trust, attachment, and intimacy. These friendships are built on secrecy, confidences, and empathy. Language is a fundamental tool in strengthening the friendship and resolving conflicts. As in all friendships, it can be a factor in positive growth or the opposite.

Teenagers They prefer a companion on their journey, a journey based especially on adventure and discovery. Their preferred friends are dynamic, proactive, and intrepid. In adolescence, action predominates over language. Challenges and adventures are psychological elements that help them overcome childhood fears and consolidate their break with maternal care.

At this stage, all issues related to sexual orientation are decided.

PARENTS IN FRIENDS

The web All Pro Dad They do not give a series of tips regarding what parents should keep in mind in relation to the friendships of their teenage children.

In a very schematic, though useful, way, it recommends Five things we should keep in mind:

1. Try to get to know your closest friends.
2. Find out about their favorite activities.
3. When the time comes, find out about their love relationships.
4. We must ensure that our home is an open place where they can come without difficulty.
5. We must strive to earn the respect of our children's friends.

We must also avoid:

1. Don't try to be a "cool" dad who comes across as if he were a friend.
2. Try not to arbitrate in their disputes.
3. Not wanting to know absolutely everything about them (only what could be dangerous)
4. Don't think that teenagers are your friends.
5. Don't be naive. There will always be intimate things between them that you won't be able to know. 

Bibliographic support:

• Adolfo Perinat et al. The adolescents of the 21st century. UOC Publishing House.
• Giovanni Tagliaferro. Adolescence and its dynamics. EDE Publishing House.
• Web: All Pro Dad