Developing a healthy self-concept in adolescents is the best path to becoming a good adult
Joaquín Díaz Atienza, president of JSM
Enclosed within our own microcosm, we parents might think that adolescence, with its crises, is a universal phenomenon. Nothing could be further from the truth. Numerous studies in social anthropology have shown that adolescence manifests itself differently in each culture. This observation is important because it forces us to reflect on what is failing in our environment, what is failing in the system, in the institutions, what is failing in our families when our teenagers' behavior is less than ideal. It is certainly true that adolescence involves endocrine, cognitive, and emotional changes that force them to confront abrupt adaptive needs for which neither they, nor we as parents, are usually prepared. We fail to realize that the tranquility of pre-puberty is not eternal, and it catches us unprepared, without the resources to cope because the worries of the present have caused us to forget our own history.
There's no need to despair, nor to see today's teenagers as more complicated than they were a few years ago. It's true that many things have changed in our society, though not necessarily for the worse. If we know how to make good use of advances in new technologies, communication, and the sense of globalization we're experiencing, we may even be facing the greatest opportunity in history to bring out the best in our sons and daughters.
So that we don't feel guilty or incompetent as parents, I'm transcribing verbatim what UNESCO said in 1968, in case it sounds familiar in the 21st century:
"Neither the attitudes nor the vocabulary created in the 60s seem useful for the realities that are emerging and that young people will have to face in the next decade. The key words they will have to confront are: confrontation, marginalization, counterculture, counterpower, youth culture... young people will perceive themselves as a historical and identifiable group... The key words for young people in the next decade will be: hardship, unemployment, over-specialization, mismatch between employment and education, anxiety, defensive attitudes, pragmatism, subsistence and survival... The 80s will impose on young people a material crisis, economic insecurity, even deprivation."
As can be seen, it seems that we are facing the eternal return, certain cycles of history that we seem to forget.
Let's get to the point
Something central to adolescence is the need to separation-individuation with respect to the norms and values internalized through parental education throughout childhood. Overcoming values and norms that the adolescent considers obsolete and the encounter with oneself in a psychological, cognitive and emotional situation With considerable instability, having lost the anchors of childhood, the time has come to learn from others: from peers, idols, and even myths. We parents must be aware of this, even showing a little complicity without actually becoming their friends. There's no phrase that bothers them more than the one some parents say: "I'm their friend."
One of the pillars on which the separation and individuation of the adolescent will be established, although not the only one, is we call it self-conceptUltimately, it's the perception and evaluation we develop about ourselves, our academic abilities, our family, our friends, and our own emotions throughout childhood. But if adolescence is characterized by anything, it's that it faces a new situation where the measuring stick that was more or less useful is no longer adequate because of the radically new physical, social, and personal interest changes that are about to occur: physically, they have changed; the way they relate to others demands different parameters; the family ceases to be the source of security to turn to; and, moreover, their personal interests are quite idealized, based more on myths than on realities. Adolescents are therefore confronted with the need to construct themselves, to acquire a healthy self-concept, and consequently, healthy self-esteem. It's a new building whose materials don't depend exclusively on them, but of which they want to be both the architect and the builder. As is easily understood, during the construction process, one will experience uncertainty, anxiety, fears, emotional "lows", anger, adversity and frustrations.
How can parents suspect low self-esteem in adolescence?
As with any situation requiring solutions, the first step is a good diagnosis. Adolescents who exhibit low self-esteem, They tend to manage their emotions poorly. This will translate into confrontations, tantrums, exaggerated displays of anger, and oppositional behavior. It will be clear that they appear insecure and hesitate in the face of any significant difficulty. of their capabilities and that, therefore They avoid them and they feel unable y offended in response to any observation.
Tend to hold accountable They blame others for their failures or lack of success, even though deep down they suffer because they consider themselves incapable. In their social relationships, usually to be manipulated For the rest, they lack of assertiveness They feel they need to assert themselves because they are convinced that others undervalue them. This sense of personal "failure" generates anxiety and frustration that they project onto their families with an ambivalent attitude: on the one hand, they would like to rely on their parents, and on the other, they need to become independent from them.
How can I help you?
The first thing to note is that help is ongoingSomething I must maintain over time, calmly and with hope. It's a long process that demands patience and perseverance. We reap the rewards at the end, when we see that they have found the socio-emotional stability appropriate. Therefore, it's not about one talk, or two, or two hundred. It's about remaining constant and hopeful for as long as it takes.
Must convey confidence and that they go believing in their possibilitiesPatiently teach them to manage their negative emotions and, very importantly, increase their empathic abilities towards others. It is very important that this is built in a stable family climate, in harmony and in where communication be fluent and sincere.
Hay that maintain the limitsSince they need them, we shouldn't be disconcerted by their rebellion, which we must patiently guide. Some parents see it as a challenge, as a questioning of their authority, and react in an excessively authoritarian way. Another important aspect is providing them with the pragmatism...of the realism that society will demand of them. Therefore, without dismissing them, we will propose as a medium/long-term task that they change their idealistic and fantastical projects for more realistic ones.
And, as I always say, this is a long distance raceThere's no rush, it's not for today, but a project that will last as long as adolescence lasts.
