Sexual orientation can be a source of bullying, depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts during puberty and early adolescence
It is well known in developmental psychology that sexual identity in puberty and early adolescence is, above all, characterized by a lack of clarity, indecisiveness, and uncertainty, especially among adolescent girls. They are born into a new world which, despite new educational frivolities and their ideological influence, remains a psycho-affective situation where sexual attraction and friendship are frequently confused.
This uncertainty is a source of psychological conflicts that are not always resolved with the pragmatism that adults possess. in mind and that is why it is a source of ambivalence and pain. In this sense, how to interpret the situation of a teenage girl, Let's call it HShe is lonely, has poor social skills, and has a history of negative comments about her body during elementary school, which have undermined her self-esteem. She feels disgust and rejection towards her body, which has been a source of great suffering. She feels rejected, and now, as a teenager, she finds someone who pays attention to her, who seems to care about her as a person. She establishes a friendship with a classmate. Let's call him Jwho listens to her and seems to value her for who she is. Finally, she sees some light in that hell of loneliness and feelings of rejection and disgust with herself!
Her socio-emotional background gives rise to an essential relationship, like a lifeline for a shipwrecked sailor, upon which her feelings and self-worth as a person, as a human being, depend. However, her friend J, whom she needs so much, is not alone. She is in a relationship with another teenager who is a lesbian and is extremely jealous when J interacts with other teenagers. In our case, she is jealous of her friend H's new friendship and prevents J from interacting with her. Faced with this situation, H and J decide to see each other only when the jealous friend is not present.
H suffers because she sees herself as second-rate, someone who lacks value in J's eyes, and she suffers because of it. The space and time in which they can connect shrinks more and more because the lesbian girl keeps an increasingly tight grip on them. The friendship never quite solidifies, and H begins to relive the rejections she has endured. She sees only one way out: what if she also adopts a lesbian orientation? At least she'll be able to compete, and she thinks that this will increase her chances of finally winning J's friendship. This ambivalent situation makes her disgusted with herself… she doesn't know what to do.
Her emotions deteriorate; she feels sad and anxious, she disgusts herself, and exhibits bulimic and hyperphagic behavior. She suffers from insomnia that prevents her from resting at night and believes there is no way out because she "She feels more heterosexual than lesbian." This inner struggle, the lack of a satisfactory solution to their sexual dilemma, leads to frequent self-harm in adolescents. Their family life deteriorates, their studies suffer, and they seek help.
And I, to those who know so much about sexuality, pose several questions: How can we help this teenager? How can we get her out of the trap she's fallen into? How can we free her from her socio-emotional immaturity? And most importantly, given the professional risks, how can we help her freely decide about her sexual orientation, considering that the only therapy permitted, if you don't want to be reported, is... affirmative therapy.
